Puzzles and Ants
by Gallifrey Immigrant
Summary: A short fic where Clara tries to think of a 25-letter word for orange. Oh, and the Doctor tries to negotiate occupancy rights for talking ants.


Clara sat on the floor of her room in the TARDIS. Her brow furrowed, she was trying to figure out a 25 letter word for orange. It was harder than it looked, since this crossword was a 3 Dimensional puzzle, and Clara had never done one of those before, nor did she know what exactly was different between a 2D vs 3D. The Doctor was supposed to be helping her with the puzzle...but he had walked off to use the bathroom, and never came back. Probably got lost along the way.

"Well, wouldn't be the first time you left me along to deal with something," muttered Clara, her wide eyes scanning the spaces for some clue. Her mind drifted to her grandmother, who loved crossword puzzles. Clara missed her grandmother, who she hadn't seen in...how long had Clara been on the TARDIS now?

She couldn't remember. Now that was a little scary.

"Think about something else, girl" she reprimanded herself, and looked up and saw the poster that Danny had done for the school. He stood tall on the poster in a suit, the words "SPLINK" in big red letters across his chest. She remembered how he used to smile like that when he was talking to the kids, or when they had some private time between classes in the school-

Wiping her face, she decided to focus on the super-advanced crossword puzzle, because i was easier than what she was feeling right now.

"I am perfectly fine. I can just do this puzzle, and I'll be just fine," said Clara.

"You're a horrible liar, even to yourself," said a familiar Scottish voice.

Clara breathed slowly through her nose, and said "Where have you been?" (Secretly, she was happy to have something to take her mind off Danny. But she wasn't going to let her know that.)

"Going to the bathroom," said the Doctor, sitting on the floor. "How far are you on the puzzle?"

She wasn't going to let him off that easy. "I've been waiting for 38 minutes! How far is the bathroom?"

"That is not the question," started the Doctor, a finger pointed in the air.

"That most certainly is the question!" said Clara.

"Clara, you've got to calm down," the Doctor said, doing those hand motions he was so fond of.. "You're going to give yourself a failure in both your hearts if you keep up like that."

"But, I only have one heart," said Clara, before realizing he had managed to sidetrack her. Did he do that on purpose?

"Exactly!" said the Doctor, his face spread in a sudden grin. "Even more reason to keep your stress down! So how was your puzzle?"

Clara glared at him. He knew that she knew he was trying to avoid the question.

"Oh, all right," said the Doctor, with a huff (how one man could be both so humble and kind, and yet also as petty as a child was a mystery to Clara. She suspected that was part of his charm.) "I went to the bathroom, got lost-I swear, the TARDIS hides things from me-and ended up meeting an army of sentient ant people in my kitchen. Had a wonderful talk, and helped them settle a dispute.I've given them permission to stay, as long as they stay out of sight. So, what do you think? "

"What do I think of that horrible excuse of an excuse, you mean? Oh, I think it's horrible, " said Clara.

"No, what do you think of letting the ants stay? I'm all for it, but as a occupant of this ship, I think you get a say, too. They've offered to do the dishes, if it helps," said the Doctor, clearly looking for a yes.

"We don't need a dishwasher-we have an automatic dish-washing machine!" said Clara.

"It's the thought that counts, Clara," said the Doctor. "So what do you say?"

Imitating a Scottish accent, Clara said "That is not the question," raising a finger in the air. Before the Doctor could reply, she continued "The question is: what is a 25 letter word for orange?" She threw the puzzle holo-book into his chest purposefully, and he caught it, causing the holo-puzzle to diffract and make distorted rainbows on his black coat.

He studied the puzzle intently. When he saw the answers Clara already filled in, she thought she detected a hint of a smile.

" I see you've already started, my dear Clara" said the Doctor.

"I got tired waiting for you," said Clara. She smiled, proud of herself.

The Doctor looked from the puzzle to her, as if trying to understand. something. Then he shrugged, and said "Clara, there is no 25 letter word for orange."

"They made a mistake in the puzzle!" said Clara. No wonder she couldn't figure it out!

"Actually, the puzzle's unsolvable," said the Doctor. "It's the prank crossword puzzle. There are no answers."

"You...knew? You gave me that puzzle, that I spent so much effort on-"said Clara.

"Only 38 min-sorry," the Doctor stopped himself, and slowly backed away as an Oncoming Storm grew before him.

"Good boy," she thought. "He's learning." Out loud, she said "YOU pranked me. Then you made me wait. Then you've invited ants in, which can stay, but that's not important right now!" snarled Clara.

"My dear Clara, your blood pressure-" started the Doctor.

She launched herself at him.

In the ensuing chase, Clara forgot all about Danny and her worries for a moment. Which, of course, was the Doctor's plan all along. 


End file.
